oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
