Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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