I haven't been this sober since birth.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
