I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
