I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
