Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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