She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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