Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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