Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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