So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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