i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
