I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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