I didn't shave. On purpose
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
