Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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