For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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