Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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