He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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