Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
