they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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