I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
