I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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