She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
