He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dick very happy bro
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
