I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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