There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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