While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
