What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wish there were birth control emojis
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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