dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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