i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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