Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
