i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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