Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
