Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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