Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I cockslap morals
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
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