If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
