I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
