Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just google imaged poop.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think i have two assholes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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