I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
