eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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