I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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