Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
