Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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