so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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