Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
