i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
