im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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