Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
