Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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