I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
