Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
