This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
