i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
one might say we're banned from that church
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
