Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
