So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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