It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
